So as you can see, my perfect face is on a beer can next to these three other morons who don’t know shit about beer. I hope they’re thankful that I’m elevating them as much as I am, but I’m sure they don’t appreciate it at all given that they are self-obsessed ass-clowns.
Joking aside, like any subculture, there is going to be toxicity – whether we are talking about Star Wars mega-fans or Nike shoe enthusiasts, when passion runs high, sometimes the worst comes out in people. Throw the anonymity of Social Media into the mix and a sprinkle of booze on top and you can accidentally create an asshole cocktail.
To be honest, on the most part this scene is amazing. People are supportive and there is a ton of love. However, passion makes people take things seriously that just aren’t a big deal and create drama where there shouldn’t be. From small things like devaluing others opinions based on their lack of experience, or high school level bickering over nothing, all the way to more awful stuff like sexist ideas about who should or shouldn’t be respected in beer – we see it all.
So, with that in mind, these three dumb-asses and I wanted to step back for a second and say to ourselves, “let’s calm down, C’est Juste d’la Bière“! We rolled up our sleeves and approached one of our favourite up-and-coming breweries – one that only took like 10 years to start actually brewing good beer. Of course, I’m talking about now legendary BG Brasserie Urbaine! Or was it Brasserie Gènèrale? or maybe Brasserie Gènèrale 18E Rue? Oh who the fuck cares… We also collaborated with Kevin from the Montreal-based beer shop La Canette Villeray! Yeah, I don’t know who he is either.
I should probably properly introduce the other three beer-media players in this project, but before that let me explain what we did here. C’est Juste d’la Bière is a special 4-pack brewed at BG Brasserie Urbaine that is going on sale today at La Canette Villeray, as well as several other spots. It consists of four different beers, each style decided by one of the four of us. It was brewed as a reminder that we need to calm the fuck down as a local community. There is no need to be toxic or cruel, and beer should be fun at the end of the day. That said, I am now going to insult the shit out of them.
C’est Juste une Double West Coast DIPA
Matt is the lead singer for the internationally acclaimed band Cryptopsy – I never realized you could get famous by simply growling into a microphone. When he’s not face-farting vile lyrics out of his mouth in front of a huge crowd, he tries to makes himself sound really damn important on his Metal and beer podcast Vox&Hops. This is one of six thousand collaborations that Matt has put together in an effort to seem relevant. I’d love to say that he has succeeded.
Matt went with an old-school Double West Coast IPA. He wanted something big, and bold – very much like those men who overcompensate for their tiny junk by driving a ridiculous sports car. The nose is zesty and fruity, delivering lots of stone fruits, pine, and layers of grapefruit rinds. A big malt backbone provides a touch of caramel, but mostly fruits.
Sweet and malty up front, this rich bad boy hits you will all kinds of citrus up front, while the aggressive piney bitterness takes hold and helps cut through everything. It’s rich, but drinkable, with grapefruit pith and citrus attacking my palate on each sip, while everything still remains in a pretty good balance – unlike Matt’s vocals.
C’est Juste une Motueka Pilsner
Next up is Craig, or Cee, or flamboyant Australian hip-hop artist turned beer Douche-bag from the BAOS Podcast (pronounced BAOWSE). This guy manages to look more and more like a Koala the longer he spends outside of his homeland. When not dumping lactose into every beer he drinks, he can be found opening his mouth so wide that he literally eats over 600 mosquitos every summer. He’s a walking dildo.
Craig wanted to create a hoppy crispy-boy, and decided on a Motueka-infused Pils. The nose is pretty bright up front, delivering lots of citrus and herbal notes alongside a big lemon essence with cracked wheat, light dust elements, and and hints of honey.
The palate here is fresh, giving off a bready malt vibe while definitely being on the sharper side of things. A clean but very apparent bitterness cuts through everything, while spicy and floral hops flavours add a nice complexity. Citrus fruits come through as well, carrying some grapefruit and lemon zest. Clean and crisp, this is pretty damn perfect! Unlike that dumb-ass who decided to make it. #staywoke
C’est Juste une Dry Stout
Next is the Hoppy Bitch, or Gab, or “Hoppy Female Dog” as her friends like to call her. This youngin’ spends more time getting ready for her beer posts than it did for Brasserie Gènèrale to make a decent beer. Apparently you can get your face on a beer can by simply having an Instagram account and lots of eyeliner. Congratulations?
Gab decided on a classic dry stout. This beer pours out jet black and thicker than I would ever imagined for a 3.5% beer – certainly not a thick as those layers upon layers of foundation the Hoppy Dog slathers onto her face every day. The nose is coffee-forward, with some charred grain, nice mocha notes, and some doughy chocolate cake.
Up front on the palate the body is out of this world for 3.5%, I legit can’t believe it. It’s thick and velvety, with lots of dry and bitter espresso mixed with just hints of very dark chocolate. Sessionable and just brilliant – this stout gives you the richness you want without the alcohol or sweetness. It’s DOGgone amazing.
C’est Juste une American Strong Ale
Lastly is the worst of them all, me…
Noah Forrest from Beerism.ca is a pretentious bearded fool. His one-dimensional black backgound photography is about as original as his lacklustre and boring beer descriptions. How many times can someone say the same thing? Oh, he’ll find a way, trust me. When he’s out not learning French for some reason, this “blogger” loves to spruce up his pictures with fun visual effects that look like they were put together by an 8 year old discovering Adobe After Effects for the first time. He probably has a micro-penis.
I decided to go with a style of beer I haven’t seen or tasted in a very long time – an American Strong Ale. The nose is rich and malty, delivering notes of caramel, raisin, and toasted nuts. However, a big fruity hop backdrop brings in hints of zestiness, with piney and herbal fun as well.
The first sip is rich and luscious, providing all the same flavours that the nose foretold. Brown sugar and dates meet toasted pecan – however, this is immediately crushed by a hectic and powerful bitterness. It’s resinous and slightly sticky, but goes down so well (unlike all these long-winded Beerism reviews). The hops add fruity layers of cherry and pine, while being further complimented by all things toasty and warm. It’s the perfect beer to finish off this winter. Think session American Barleywine 😉
All jokes aside, I had so much fun doing this collaboration with a bunch of people that I legitimately love. Craig has become one of my best friends, he is not only a mentor of mine, but teaches me constantly. His tenacity and work ethic is truly impressive – I definitely look up to him. Matt is newer to my life but has impacted me more than he knows. His kindness and generosity coupled with his non-stop “yes and…” mentality makes him a ferocious and capable person that you would be lucky to call a friend. He’s an incredible musician, and just a fine human. Gab is as brilliant as she is fiery – a decade younger but knows more about beer than the three of us combined. She brings a much-needed contemporary female perspective to the community, delivering brilliant content through masterful photography and impressive knowledge. I’m lucky to be friends with these people.
I still don’t know who Kevin from La Canette Villeray is though… but you can buy our beer there.